ETH Blog #7

Encouraging the Heart

Tribute to

Sean Richardson

This is a photo of a leadership development group from PCL Construction.  It is Tuesday, January 28, 2020 and the 15 of us are meeting in Palm Desert, CA for our second of four learning modules.  Since Coaching and Developing is one of the leadership competencies we are focused on in this module, we have asked Sean Richardson, professional golf coach and seriously great person, to demonstrate some real-life coaching.

 Our agenda:

• Sean watches each one of us on the practice facility, then offers suggestions as to what we might concentrate on in the 18 holes that follow

• we play 18 holes, each one of us assigned as an interested observer to another golfer

• as we play, we each spend 9 holes asking life and character-defining questions of our cart-mate.  This is a big Sean Richardson coaching lesson:  we cannot possibly hope to provide meaningful insight as a coach if we do not know the person and his/her aspirations.  So, the goal of our questions is to dig as deeply as possible into the cart-mate’s:

• life goals/dreams/hopes/interests, including:

  • family aspirations

  • professional accomplishments

  • community involvement

  • ultimate legacy

• learning motivations and preferences

• personal philosophies/beliefs

At the conclusion of the 18-hole event, we gather in the clubhouse to hear from:

• each of the 14 of us about what we have learned about our cart-mate’s life

• Sean Richardson, about his instruction/coaching philosophies

and to draw any conclusions about how any/all of this relates to our work both individually and together on the program.

 It is now April, 2021.  We feel the best way to describe the powerful impact of Sean’s presence, attitude, knowledge, skills and abilities will be to ask each participant to tell Sean what they learned in his January 2020 session.  And given that we are some 15 months later in the ask, it will be fair to say that whatever we remember about Sean’s teaching will be with each one of us forever.

 What follows are our word-for-word testimonials: 

*   *   *

 Sean:  Thank you so much for the time you spent with us.  Even though I am not a golfer, your discussion and demeanor were inspirational to me in their validity to everyday life.  It is a true talent to be able to impact and inspire people across the spectrum to become better coaches and I thank you for sharing that gift with us.

Richard Hewitt

Sean:  It was a pleasure meeting you in module 2.  Your perspective on coaching and the discussions we had around the connection to coaching golf and leadership stuck with me.  You gave me a short lesson on golf where, by the end of the day, I improved considerably and enjoyed the game that much more.  But the greater gift in that lesson was the realization that sometimes it just takes a minor tweak and singular focus to create change and improvement - not necessarily a complete overhaul. This lesson can be applied to my leadership daily and I thank you for that.

Ryan Andrews

Sean:  It was wonderful to meet someone whose passion is helping others find their passion and hone their skills.  Whose dedication is helping people reach their goals and reach their ultimate potential.  When people think of you they will remember what you gave to others and that is a real lasting tribute and legacy. We will be lucky if one day our legacy can be seen in the light with such revered company.  Best wishes to you, your loved ones and everyone whose life you have touched and continue to. 

Dan Cettiga

Sean:   You have the heart of a coach, this allows you to provide a series of selfless teachings to individuals who likely do not realize the value in said teachings until some time after the service is rendered.  To me, this is the highest form of service to humanity; to give yourself to people without expecting anything in return.  You embody selflessness, and you have reinforced to me that true fulfillment comes from within – thank you for this, and on behalf of all of us who benefited from your teachings at PCL – thank you.

Jordan Cloutier

Sean:  Although I love just about all sports and anything outdoors, I struggle with golf.  Leading up to my session with you, I questioned how such a limited amount of time with a golf coach could benefit me in my leadership journey.  However, I was blown away by the quiet, simple and impactful leadership that you demonstrated during our short time together.  I am sure it was quickly apparent to you, though you didn’t say it, that I was not very good at golf.  You didn’t focus on how much I had to learn, but rather focused on the one item for me to focus on that would have the greatest impact to me during our time together.  My golf game improved more in a few hours by focusing on one item than it had over the last decade of advice from various people.  I have retold the story of my time with you to many people and groups, and use this simple principle on a regular basis.  Leadership does not need to be complicated, and you demonstrate the power of simple, quiet leadership. 

Tyler Kautz

Sean:  Our time together was short however in those few hours your impact was grand. I will forever remember the gift you gave me; the gift of “one”. For me personally it has created pause in my life and reminded me to focus on “one” thing at a time….and for the rest of what is going on your “one” teaching has enabled me to relish in the moment, enjoy present company, to turn off the noise and embrace frustration.  Thank you Sean for this “one” wonderful, transformational gift.

Myke Badry

Sean:   The short amount of time I got to spend with you had a great impact on me both as a golfer and a leader. You will be happy to know that every time I take the club back, I think of you. That impact has made me a much better golfer.

You should also know that every time I think about my leadership development, I think of you. Your ability to singly assess each of our needs that afternoon has stuck with me. In my role, I too need to be able to singly assess individual needs of others. That has made me a much better leader.

Trent Johnson

Sean:  Great to meet you, the advice I took away from our single golf lesson was to how a small changes can have a large improvement and not to get overwhelmed with fixing everything at once.

Landon Mitchell

Sean:   In the brief time we had together for some individual instruction in the desert, you had me work on one thing, but it made all the difference.  I was off balance in my swing so you asked me to get centered over my feet, find balance and get my feet flat on the ground.  It has stuck with me every time I played with, but it is also such a great metaphor for what I need to do as I continue on my own journey.  Find balance and get centered with my feet firmly flat on the floor.  With advice like that it will be hard to go wrong with any challenge that lies ahead.  Thank you for that gift both on and off the course. 

Chris Ritter

Sean:   Your focus on the single most impactful, simple change, will stay with me throughout my career and always be a focus of mine when improving myself as well as helping others improve and succeed. Thank you for this gift. My golf game has also improved based on your advice.

Andrew Moles

Sean:  You may remember I was one of two people who had not golfed before.  What struck me about the way you worked with me was not just your coaching but your kindness and presence.  As a facilitator, I tend to notice how people show up and you exuded such an authentic desire to be in service.  Thank you.

Geoff Curzon

Sean:   Your gift to me is to help me understand that a great coach sees the work ahead for each of his students, yet knows he should only share the next, best step to take, so that the student can truly focus on one building block at a time.  For me, you are the consummate builder and at PCL, we can offer no greater respect.

Peter Greene

Sean:   Your gift to me was your uniquely engaging use of the power of simplicity. As coaches and facilitators it’s easy to sometime forget that small, specific modifications of behavior are what leads to long term, impactful change. You modeled that in an authentic, inspiring and entertaining way that genuinely connected with your audience...not easy to do. It’s a lesson that I still think about regularly. Thank you!

Ken Lawson

Sean:  When we were together as a group you spoke to us about purpose. I remember that one of your purposes was to bring joy and a love of golf to anyone who played it with you, no matter the skill level. I was one of the few lucky ones who was privileged to have played the whole golf game with you that day. And, it was by far the most enjoyable golf game (and best golfed) I have ever had. You helped me to focus on the right things, not get caught up in whether I was doing it just right, and you knew when to add more to my plate to make me even more successful. I left that game truly believing I could enjoy golfing in the future rather than dreading it. Above all of that, it was the conversations and storytelling from you that made it the most enjoyable. I am grateful to have been one who benefited from your purpose.

Harmony Carter

Sean:  I am forever grateful for your contributions to our leadership program and for your support/understanding of the time I spend with my daughter hitting the links!  You truly have a gift for coaching and for helping people reach their potential.  I am a better person because our paths crossed.  Thank you my friend. 

Mike Olsson

 * * *

One of the many interesting things that we learned about Sean is that fishing is his “golf”!  Although he may wear a golf cap in the process, the challenge, the learning and the enjoyment we all get from golf … he gets from fishing.  Go figure.  The look on Sean’s face in the first and last pictures here is what each of us would love to experience after a successful golf shot.

Thank you Sean.  What a difference you have made in our lives!  As the dolphins said in Douglas Adams’s 4th book in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy:  “… thanks for all the fish!”

ETH Blog 6

The Interpersonal Skills of Encouragement

We humans can be complex beings, one example being the tendency to completely understand our own intentions and behaviours, while sometimes puzzling over the strange and negative actions of others. I know this is hardly a revelation, but I would like you tell you a story of when and how I learned I needed to work harder at ensuring my behaviours were understandable to others and as constructive as possible. To keep the storyline reasonably straightforward, the context here is the issue of ‘praise’ and ‘building’ and how important encouragement is for all of us.

As I was growing up, I seemed to want a lot of encouragement and mostly felt it was pretty hard to come by. When I got it, I tried harder to please and in response to those (too few, it seemed) people who consistently showed appreciation for my efforts, I tried even harder. I liked them and would immediately move into ‘high motivation’ mode when in their presence. I wanted them to like me too.

For those who never gave it, I soon learned to not bother trying to earn it. I didn’t like being around them much and would try my best to ignore them, even occasionally engaging in behaviour that earned their disapproval (which was freely given!) … and sometimes I would even work to be at odds with whatever it was they were trying to accomplish. Sabotage, I think that’s called. Not much of a praiseworthy activity, as I look back at my reactionary strategy.

For those who encouraged me rarely or infrequently, I would make an effort to get along or do the right thing, but only rarely or infrequently, so it was never my best that they experienced. I think the point I am making here is that, without a deliberate intention to encourage, we tend to give only as much as we get.

As I look back on my life now, I realize that not only did I always have someone else handy to blame for my motivational swings, I can also confess to making semi-permanent judgments about the people with whom I was interacting. My intentions were always completely clear to me and the differing behaviours of others were easily classified into good, indifferent or bad character boxes. I don’t recall ever stopping and wondering how many different people I was being for all those people in my life … until I participated in a brainstorming exercise at the tender age of 30. Oh well, better late than never, I guess!

I have mentioned this transformational training course elsewhere on this website. The year was 1976, the course was a 3-day program called Managing for Motivation (MFM), presented by Xerox Learning Systems. It is now 2020 and I have been part of many hundreds of learning programs and MFM still ranks as one of the most effective learning events of my life. In 3 days, this program was actually able to transfer several interpersonal management skills into the personal repertoire of behaviours of its participants. We read and discussed research on motivation, we watched videos of how-not-to’s and how-to’s, we did paper-and-pencil quizzes, we role played (a lot!), we were videotaped and we constructively critiqued our own performances. Each of the skills led sweetly into the next one in a giant build … I can tell you it was a sophisticated work of learning art, this course.

The activity that taught me the monster life lesson about ‘building’ and ‘praise’ and how important they are to us all happened right at the outset of this 3-day course. The 6 of us, who had just been introduced to each other, were told that:

• we were a team in the R&D department of the market-leading thermos company;

• our major competitor had just announced a new thermos with a loss-proof top; and that

• our job, in the next 20 minutes, was to brainstorm as many creative thermos-redesign ideas for loss-proof tops so our great company could answer this business challenge.

The facilitator told us that she would be video-recording our interactions, but I have to tell you that this information went in one ear and out the other as we sprang into action. Almost immediately, I had a brilliant idea (remember what I said about easily understanding our own motivations?) and I put it out there: the mouth of our new thermos would be like a camera shutter, to be opened and closed with a twist of the thermos top. I sat back, waiting for the instant praise.

Brilliant new loss-proof thermos top!

Crickets from my 5 team mates! Absolutely nothing! I sat there in surprised silence. I had only met them minutes earlier, but with one shred of evidence I was already starting to wonder about their critical thinking skills and start sorting them into one of those character boxes I mentioned. One of them even said in response to my suggestion: “Right, do any of you have any workable ideas?” I was instantly ticked. And as their (as in me vs. them) ideas started to come forth, I found myself finding great fault with each one of them. Examples:

“What about attaching the inside of the bottom of the cup to the bottom of the inside of the thermos with a small stainless chain?”, offered a team mate. “Oh, great idea”, I said, “just think of having to clean that chain after your clam chowder lunch!”

Or “how about designing a cup that is attached to the outside of the thermos with a flexible plastic arm, so you can pour your soup or coffee or whatever into it without detaching it?” said another. “You’ve got to be kidding!” I said, “you’ll be spilling your soup or coffee or whatever everywhere … and then how do you actually drink out of the cup without spilling your whole thermos?.” Just try saying my last line and listen to how it sounds … not quite the music of a brainstorm where no idea is a bad one!

At the end of our 20 minutes, th facilitator asked if we’d like to see the best idea ever brainstormed in the all the times they had run this exercise and of course we said yes. Here’s what she showed us:

I have to tell you that I remember sitting back smugly and looked each of my 5 team mates in the eyes, as if to say “oh yeah, remember that one, that’s right, MY idea.”

Longer story shorter, when they replayed the videotape, because they wanted to benchmark our behaviours for skill-building purposes, to my eternal shame, I saw the worst set of interpersonal behaviours I think I have ever seen … and they were all mine! My immature performance was so bad that, to this day, I can still see the shirt I was wearing, a shirt I had picked out to feel good about myself and of course to impress others. Oh, I’m sure I left an impression all right, although it wasn’t the one I had imagined and I certainly wasn’t feeling very good about myself. It was at that moment I decided I needed to learn whatever it was they were teaching on this course!

So … now to the point of the blog: there are 2 fundamental interpersonal skills that have the effect of encouraging others: ‘praise’ and ‘building’, and I want to describe them both to you, my purpose being to implore you to practice them daily.

‘Praise’ is very straightforward: it is the provision of verbal feedback with the purpose of encouraging specific and task-related behaviours. Offering general praise is better than none, of course, but an ‘atta girl’ doesn’t really help the receiver know what she has said or done that earned the praise and so, other than a short ‘feel good’ effect, there is limited value in offering it. For praise to be most effective, it must contain descriptions of the following elements:

• the context of the situation, e.g., “when we were in the staff meeting this morning…”

• the specific behaviour being praised, e.g., “I noticed that you make sure everyone’s opinion was heard, even though a couple of the junior team members were a bit shy to offer theirs”

• how the behaviour relates to the business task, e.g., “I can’t tell you how important it is the whole team to feel that we want their input and that we will take the time to make sure we have it”

• a mention of the personal qualities of the receiver that made the accomplishment possible, e.g., “Obviously, inclusion is one of your personal values”

• if appropriate, connecting the behaviour or the personal quality to the worldview of you, the leader, e.g., “and I have worked long and hard to make everyone feel like a values member of my team, so I thank you for your help.”

The chances of the receiver of this praise now knowing how to earn (and willing to act on this knowledge) the approval of the leader are a few thousand % higher than those of the ‘atta girl’ encouragement. Not rocket science, but I didn’t know this before MFM, but I have been trying to put it to use ever since.

“Building” is even easier. It simply requires the leader to mention the name of the person who offered the idea, early enough in the interaction so there is no confusion over its originator … it’s just offering the credit due. And like with the rules of good praise, it is important for the leader to connect the idea to what it will accomplish in a task-related manner and to ask for ways to make it even better, e.g., “Well, there’s an interesting idea from John, he is suggesting that some of these data collection duties can be outsourced, thereby saving us FTE’s. Can any of you help with how we can ensure confidentiality if we are employing PT remote employees?”

How many times have you been in a meeting in which ideas were requested, only to see and hear your contributions go unattributed. Or worse … credited to someone else. In such a work environment, the motivational effects on future idea generation can be less-than-optimal, shall I say. And perhaps have an adverse impact on your own connection to the leader and the team. The fix to this is so darn easy, we just have to encourage others to be more encouraging!

It is my contention that at home, at work and at play, we have many daily opportunities to reward good thinking by using the ‘building’ skill.

This is what we should look like as listen for ideas to build on: multiple sensors on the lookout and the hearout.

ETH Blog 5

The Shaper of My Life

Meet Linda, the major reason I am who I am becoming. On August 26, 2020, she will have been my spouse for 52 years. To say I love her seems like an absolute understatement, since she is the source of the happiness I feel every day.

She and I are quite different:

• I can live life too quickly and too loudly; she prefers to wait for the natural moment to influence, quietly

• she is rational; I am emotional

• the wind can blow me around; she is beacon of steadiness

Opposites do, in fact, attract. She once said that she was sticking with me because I make her laugh, and that may be true, but you need to understand that my motivation in doing so is that wonderful, natural smile of hers, the one that nourishes the deepest part of my soul.

And what has she given me in return for making her laugh? Oh just …

• being a role model for the values and behaviors that make our marriage and our parenting successful

• three wonderful children and their 5 beautiful daughters

• the unflagging support in my careers that have required we uproot and live in different cultures, speak another language

• the belief that I may yet become the whole person I want to be

Seems like a pretty fantastic return! In the drawing I have done of my personal vision, she wears a halo. In fact, when we went to Italy to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, I told people we were going because Pope Francis wanted to make her a saint. Many of the people to whom I said this just nodded, showing they did indeed know her … and me!

Still laughing … after all these years!

Of all the roles she has played in my life: from cutie-pie to girlfriend to fiancée to wife to mother to best friend, it is the last one that I cherish the most. I suspect that many people go through their lives without ever discovering the profound joy of a best-ever-possible friend; I thank my lucky stars that I live that joy every day.

Linda … you are my the shaper of my love and my life. Thank you for it all. I feel like Pierre, the stuffed dog in this picture … blessed.

ETH Blog 4

A Career of Gratitude

What I have published below is an edited version of the email I wrote to Jim Kouzes in April of 2019. It is an attempt to thank Jim and Barry for what they and their grad students have given me.

“Jim … please forgive this long email. 

Brash of me to write, I know, but you and I have met. It was during my participation in the Leadership Challenge course in the mid-90’s, put on by the Tom Peters Group, if I remember correctly, at the University of Berkeley.  That course was not my introduction to your material, at that point I was already familiar with it, through my association and friendship with Dick Hodgson, professor of Organizational Behaviour at the business school of the University of Western Ontario … but it was that personal experience with your teaching that got me started putting your material to work in my company.

That company is PCL Construction, one of the biggest and most successful general contractors in North America.  Started in a small town in Saskatchewan in 1906 by Ernest Poole, we are now into our second century and about 4,600 employee-owners strong.  Sometime in the 1940’s, Ernie penned Poole’s Rules, his guiding principles, the basis of our corporate culture today (see MTW Blog 4).  Poole’s Rules are one of the reasons we have taken to your 5 practices so completely, the alignment is deep and strong.  Our corporate vision for everyone adopting your practices and bringing others along is our symbolic tree, with the tag line: “From one tree, a forest” (see ISV Blog 4).

To give you one example of how we grow our trees, we hold a 4-day, intensive, residential leadership development course once a year, have been doing so since 1991. One person from each of our North American districts and divisions is invited to participate, so we number about 32 participants in any particular year.  You can imagine that, with 4500+ employees, being chosen as one of 30 annual participants is a bit of an honour. Since 1998, our course has been built on the 5 practices and I can tell you it deeply impacts our audience. 

I have wanted to let you know about us espousing your work for quite some time now, but I haven’t ‘felt’ the right opportunity until now.  I am now mostly retired and my great friend and colleague Mike Olsson has taken over the reins of leadership development at PCL, and so I have some time to find new ways to spread seeds.  If you have the time and the interest, please visit www.LeaderShare.ca  It is my newly-minted testament to your and Barry’s work, to all the graduates of PCL’s numerous leadership development programs and to our fellow travellers along the leadership road of life.

Cheers!  I will be happy to share more … but only if you wish.  No more unsolicited emails … and especially not long ones.

ETH Blog 3

The 5 Happiness Practices

Here is a post Mike Olsson and I recently put up on PCL’s intranet. Because it relates so closely to the intention and the practice of Encouraging the Heart, I decided to include it in LeaderShare, to reach a broader audience.

“Mike … as I write this, it is Thursday evening, March 19, 2020 and if it were not for COVID 19, I would be helping to Encourage the Heart at the celebration dinner for the 31st graduates of our great leadership course.  Which got me thinking … that while the entire situation and its fallout scares and saddens me for our families, our friends and our colleagues, to say nothing of the unfortunates in the devastated industries all around us, I do know what I/we can and must do, now and going forward.

At PCL, we are so fortunate to be part of a prosperous, forward-looking and community-minded company … which helps me be strong for those around me.  I have also been watching how others who serve us and supply us are handling their challenges and I wonder what they are doing to remain strong?  Do they have a PCL behind them?  Most, sadly, will not … but that doesn’t mean we can’t show them how important they are to us and to our entire society.

Those of you who have studied the 5 leadership practices know that Encouraging the Heart is all about recognizing the accomplishments of individuals and celebrating the victories and values of their communities.  And this is where I am drawing my inspiration for what we need to ramp up in our behaviors.  So here are 5 ways to encourage all those around us:

1. Laugh.  Smiling works too, actually uses the same muscles.

2. Count your blessings.

3. Say ‘Thank You’.

4. Play to your strengths.

5. Do good.

These were a gift to me from Chris Cappy, PILOT Consulting, a respected American colleague and I’m sure he will approve of me re-gifting.  I agree with Chris that they are all behavioral and actionable on a daily basis and that self-leadership is the ultimate challenge. And in-this-of-all-moments, we are in the best place to be practicing encouragement … to everyone.”

ETH Blog 2

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I received this shortly after a 4-day, intensive leadership development course in which I acted as a member of the instruction team. Hollyanne was one of the participants of an extraordinary class and this was her way of showing me that she knows all about encouraging the heart: not only is it a meaningful thank you to me, but what a great way to tell me how an “encouraging the heart” mindset helps you see the strength in our world.

This is why I do what I do. A gift from Hollyanne. Thank you!

ETH Blog 1

Blog 1: Years ago, in preparation for what turned out to be an excellent leadership development course, I underwent a number of psychometric tests, including the FIRO-B (Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation - Behavior). This instrument was developed after the Korean War by American psychologist William Schutz to predict how military personnel would work together in groups.

The FIRO-B (which is still used today, check it out online) gave me profound insights into my character. It measures 3 elements of human behavior: inclusion, control and affection and it measures them on 2 levels: how much we express the personal need for these elements in our relationships and how much we really want (seek) them.

The maximum score is 9 in each case. Here are my scores:

My FIRO-B

Personal insights revealed:

• re: Control: the interpretation document said “your results suggest a high preference to be in control and a reluctance to take direction”. Yikes! I would hate to work for me! But this is not the Encourage the Heart point of this blog … the next 2 are

• re: Inclusion: this is such a strong interpersonal driver for me. Why would I only express 4 out of 9 and yet want 8 out of 9? Yes, that’s right, if I show you my real need, I make myself vulnerable and I have been hurt in the past by exclusion, so I have learned not to show it. The lesson here for me is to treat inclusion the way I treat encouragement: if I need it this much, what are the chances that others feel the same way? Probably high, so I try to keep it front-of-mind when dealing with others

• re: Affection: right on the encouragement point. I remember reading some research indicating that affection expressed in an organization is felt 2 levels below the actual expression: now that’s a powerful force to bring to an organization! And I am personally relieved that my scores show me more genuine here …